blush not

• blush not apologize not
waste me fuck you
do you ever invite yourself over
to have a good time with you
throw kitten nice kitten
i dont know what you want
i need to get slammed
you cant do it for me
thanks for getting it
you look graceful on the tile
just dont demand i sleep
while youre vomiting in the next room
to say that hurt like hell
would just be more stupid words you’ll never hear
sorry for saying i love you
and spoiling a good ride

goodbye decor
goodbye tomato
it could have been so much more
than honest disclosure
baaad days
when i cant talk about
how you scare me
this hasn’t been forgettable
i try not to recognize red cars
i dont love you
i miss your skin
and hugging soft
while you stare down
and let me taste drowsy
you vacuum headed
caffine addict
i cant believe you took me to a movie
i wish we were freinds

i think we might have given
strangers more trust than we gave
each other
i wish i could take a nap with you
relation(sunken)ship
id like to see you somewhere
and see
i wouldnt be saying
yeah fuck you too

from an insanely
fucked wench
i am not your well wishes
or what i could bust
with my head
in a box
in a box
in a box

off my wave
this is not a spectacle for the faint
you passed out

kill me in your mind
while i watch you

it hurts to think that maybe you arent angry with me
maybe you even miss me and wonder why i dont call
when i saw your new graphitti i only had a pen
i spent it fast. maybe thats me still wanting you
or your memory.
i think its strange we havent seen each other at all
thats the freeze.
thats me being vicious
im not exactly hopeful
turn me down and say you dont need me
and watch how long it takes till you can see your breath

i gave you every opportunity to think me down
something in you wanted my worst
i can picture a wobbly oppinion you let get solid and tacky and cracked
was it easy to make up your mind?
this is me being nasty and vindictive

at least i can feel my spine this way
i couldnt get at whatever makes you tick
i bet that would have made it even worse
so much stupid fucking talk about pronouns
trying to sort it from it

why couldnt we just be two stupid kids
and enjoy it?

isnt threre a switch?
between what is and isnt now?
here i am for you, love
now

i cant always be on your level
i dont always want to be.

you fell in love when i was full flush
sometimes there are other days
i suppose theyre easy to keep track of.
is there ever good timing?

you call it a bad day
you forget how to talk
and the contact is numb
sometimes it just doesn’t happen
and it’s difficult to say
you tell me to look in your eyes
and guess what’s on your mind
I think you say it with your sighs
you wish you could unwind
attatchment can get sticky
on each other strictly
every other night

the lines I cross out catch your interest
self edit always the looser nonsense and no sense
there’s a piece of you stuck in my heart
and you still look sad in my head
is it easy for you to keep me at a distance
something I did or something I said
you never let us get a fair start
you got wasted and threw plastic at me
left to throw up and told me to sleep
is that your way of getting at me
or maybe you think talk is cheap

your ladybug
has let you down
left you with a hug
and see you around
get in your car
and drive across town
celebrate
the let down
I wish you weren’t contagious
bad mood girls are poisonous

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